Patrick Bateman Quotes


I don't want to get you drunk, but, ah, that's a very fine Chardonnay you're not drinking.

That's a very fine chardonnay you're drinking. I want you to clean your vagina.

You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.

I want to fit in.

Don't touch the watch.

Listen, you'll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable at the Four Seasons in 20 minutes.

'Oh Africa Brave Africa'. It was... a laugh riot.

Not quite blonde, are we? More of a dirty blonde.

I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?

Waiter: Would you like to hear today's specials? Patrick Bateman: Not if you want to keep your spleen.

Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual.

Well, for one thing, I think he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing.

That's 'Bone'.

If another round of Bellinis comes within a twenty foot radius of our table were going to light the maitri de on fire. So you know, warn him

I have to return some videotapes.

All it comes down to is this: I feel like shit but look great.

Because trying to fuck you is like trying to french-kiss a very.... small and... lively gerbil? With braces?

I tried to make meat loaf out of the girl but it becomes too frustrating a task and instead I spend the afternoon smearing her meat all over the walls, chewing on strips of skin I ripped from her body

I laugh maniacally, then take a deep breath and touch my chest- expecting a heart to be thumping quickly, impatiently, but there's nothing there, not even a beat.

The Patty Winters Show this morning was about Home Abortion Kits.

As we arrive at Espace I'm on the verge of tears as I'm certain we won't get a decent table. But we do; relief washes over me in an awesome wave.

Paul Allen has mistaken me for this dickhead Marcus Halberstram.

Marcus and I even go to the same barber, although I have a slightly better haircut.

There's a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine.

All it comes down to is this: I feel like shit but look great.

I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust.

Well, Halberstram, I could tell you... but then I'd have to kill ya.

Well, for one thing, I think he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing.

Pumpkin, you're dating an asshole.


Did you know that Ted Bundy's first dog, a collie, was named Lassie?

There are no girls with good personalities.

Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.

Not a menorah. You spin a dreidel.

Mistletoe alert!

Hamilton, have a holly-jolly Christmas.

My need to engage in homicidal behaviour on a massive scale cannot be corrected but, uh, I have no other way to fulfill my needs.

No, I like music. Just they're... Huey's too black sounding for me.

Negative. Cancel it.

What's wrong with that? It's totally disease-free.

I can do a 1,000 now.

What is this?

I'm a huge fan of Bret Easton Ellis and American Psycho. Both the book and movie adaptiations are amazing stories about everybody's favorite serial killer. I've collected some of my favorite quotes from Patrick Bateman and added them above. Bateman is such an insane character, but Ellis creates him to be so believable. Even though it's 2013, I can picture Bateman walking around Manhattan complaining about Twitter, getting mad at hipsters and using an iPhone to book a res at Dorsia. Hopefully this collection of Patrick Bateman quotes helps keep his character alive over the years.

Site updated November 20, 2013